Not Giving into Fear

Now that I have started this blog and am feeling super vulnerable—I am freaking out. All my fears are now surfacing, and I find myself plagued with insecurities. What if people don’t read it or they don’t like it? Do I sound too preachy or self-absorbed? What if people I know reject me for what I write? Am I posting too much or not enough? That is just a sampling of the fears plaguing my mind.

Another area is the fear of negative judgement which I try to avoid. For example, there are road signs that indicate your speed. One flashes a frowny face when over the speed limit. I get so angry at these signs if it gives me a frowny face because I feel like I am being judged … by a sign. It’s quite funny and absurd to even admit and yet I do everything I can to get the smiley face / acceptance instead … from a sign.

Trying to look self-confident and conform to everyone else’s standards is one of the masks I have worn out of fear. It was a mask that helped me feel safe. Removing that mask for the purpose of writing this blog feels a bit unsafe if I am honest. However, it’s the very reason I chose to do this. I am tired of living my life in fear and trying to control everyone’s judgements about me just for a false sense of safety.

Therefore, I will be the first to admit that I don’t have all the answers. While I have learned a lot through my years of various therapies to unbury my authentic self, there still is much to learn and practice. Life really is like peeling an onion because every time I remove one layer, I find another layer waiting to be explored—and apparently my life is one ginormous onion.

So, now that you know my fears in writing this blog, I just want to say welcome if you decide to continue this journey with me. I don’t share my fears to try and get sympathy or encourage you to subscribe for a boost to my self esteem. I share them to emphasize the fact that choosing an authentic life can feel terrifying. It’s not an easy thing to do but the freedom that it can bring far outweighs all of the fears or even the risks.

By acknowledging my fears, it helps bring in more space so that I can be patient and seek to learn from them! If anyone decides this blog isn’t for them, that is 100% okay. In fact, I already know it won’t be for everyone because we are all on different journeys. As much as I may have all these fears, it doesn’t change my truth or desire to help others. As long as I am being true to myself, it is enough—I am enough!