Spiritual Refill: A Path Back to Your True Nature

I’m sitting here pondering about what I want to share. It’s been a difficult few months of feeling like I was failing at this journey of choosing to live an authentic life. I had some experiences where I spoke my heartfelt truth admitting where I struggle. However, I’m not sure the truths I shared followed the appropriate standard of what one should say. It left me feeling ashamed and more alone than ever.

I have wondered about those who feel like they are suffering alone in this life. At times I worry whether there are people in my own life who I have missed hearing their cries for help. I think it can feel easier, safer to focus on the physical needs of others because often the support needed is easier to see. However, do I miss the unseen hardships whether mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

My own spiritual reservoir feels like it dried up a long time ago. Therefore, I have been searching for any hidden spring that can add water once again to an area of my life that is very important to me and always added a source of comfort. But for some reason the reservoir has remained dry, and it has felt heartbreaking for so long.

I have struggled with this lack of spirituality hoping that someone will step forward and be willing to sit with me in the darkness. But I am a tough nut to crack, secretly pleading for help while pushing people away. I have come a long way by speaking more of my truth and not hiding the struggles. This can sometimes create praise for my honesty, saying how strong I am or how my truths will help people.

The challenge is, I have spent most of my life sacrificing my own wellbeing to keep others happy. So, sometimes I don’t want to be told I’m strong or brave for talking about what others might not. Sometimes I say what I do in the secret hope that someone else can be the brave one for a time and ask me the tough questions. To show a desire to truly know what my darkness feels like at times. Sometimes I just want someone to help supply a little water to my spiritual reservoir.

However, I am beginning to realize that I’m struggling to fill my spiritual reservoir because I’ve been looking in all the wrong places for the type of “water” I think must fill it up. The truth is my previous spiritual reservoir was murky, filled up with ideas and rules of what I thought my spirituality was supposed to look like, who I was supposed to be. As I’ve been on this journey of choosing an authentic life, those false beliefs and stories are what began to dry up.

After much despair, I am now learning how to refill my spiritual reservoir in a very different way. I am coming to learn that my journey is an internal quest to align with who I already am and reconnect with my true spiritual source. To do so, I must turn inward instead of outward. I must learn how to trust in my own intuition, even when it goes against the norm. In doing so, I am discovering there are many natural springs within ready to flow into my spiritual reservoir.

I’ve also stopped blocking off streams that I thought poisoned my spiritual reservoir. I’ve come to accept that every internal stream has life giving water to add. We’re often encouraged to turn outward and help others when struggling. But I have finally realized that sometimes we need to turn inward and spend time discovering who we really are, to find the path back to our true nature. I want to connect with myself so I can truly connect with others. That is to me what this journey is all about.

So, I am beginning to practice “being” my true nature instead of just reading or studying about how to do so. It’s quite simple when you break it down and very difficult at the same time. I sometimes feel like I’ve been on this journey forever and then I have moments like these where it feels like my journey is just beginning.