What Authentic Living Looks Like When You’re Just Surviving

I went on a morning walk today—the first I’d been on in over a month. I realized how much I missed the fresh air, sound of the water running in a nearby creek, and minimal people on the path. 😉 It’s been a challenging month where the perfect storm of health issues all seemed to collide.

It started with a sinus infection and cough with corneal edema added on top. I never realized how miserable it can feel to have my eye hurt while open and closed and feeling like I was looking out of frosted glass. Sliding into the mix were other health concerns requiring biopsies, doctor visits, and additional procedures.

Let’s just say the past month has included a lot of challenges in trying to live an authentic life—and it’s not over. Yet it has also held some sacred lessons for me, including paying more attention to the physical body and the role it plays in choosing to live an authentic life.

Prior to leaving for my walk, I had a fleeting thought that I should take some pain medication but chose not to. About halfway through my walk, the pain in a few areas started to kick in. I’m used to dealing with pain and tried to blow it off by continuing my walk up a hill. At the top, all I wanted to do was curl up in a fetal position on the ground.

I regretted my choice in not taking pain medication prior and reflected on recent doctor visits to prep for some upcoming procedures. They said the most important thing to manage the pain that would follow was to stay on top of the pain medication. If I waited to take it as needed, the pain would be more difficult to manage—rather than taking it consistently to keep it at a bearable level.

As I was hobbling down the path wishing I was closer to my car, I thought about the pains of life. Not just physical pain but mental, emotional, and spiritual pain as well.

Have you ever had times in your life where any pain felt too great, so you tried to pretend it didn’t exist?

Have you ever neglected self-care only to find the pain became overwhelming and shut you down?

Have you ever felt so alone in the pain that you wondered what the point was to even continue living?

I could answer yes to all those questions this past month, and during many other times in my life. I have become quite skilled at pushing both physical and emotional pains aside not realizing the toll it takes.

This recent storm felt like a cry from within to plead for things to change and stop pushing the pain aside … so what can I learn from it?

I can follow the advice given—don’t wait to treat the pains of life until it all becomes too overwhelming. I can take action by choosing to take small steps that are most aligned with my values. It doesn’t mean I have to fix what is wrong but rather focus on what matters most that keeps me moving forward.

What does that look like to me? In this moment, it means taking care of my physical body by going to my doctor’s appointments, getting the tests completed, and having certain procedures done. With this also comes acknowledging the fear of the unknown and letting go of trying to control the outcomes.

And woven throughout all of it: self-compassion and self-care.

However, it’s not just the physical pain that needs to be addressed. There is a lot of emotional and spiritual pain happening. One of the hardest things is feeling alone in all the turmoil and exhaustion. I have a source of support that has been helping me through this but mostly it’s been appointments and decisions on my own.

Yet, through it all, I am learning to advocate for myself and to ask for what I need and to acknowledge what is missing in my life. It certainly isn’t easy for me, especially when not feeling well.

Choosing to live an authentic life doesn’t mean that things will be easier. It doesn’t mean feeling peace all the time or that I will always make choices aligned with my true nature.

There were times this past month when I didn’t feel like living from my true nature—because the pains felt too heavy, and I was just trying to survive. And yet I also understood why and gave myself space to be present with it in my own authentic way while acknowledging how truly awful it felt on so many levels.

I also know I will have many more days like this ahead and that’s okay. But in the moments when I feel like I can breathe, I can take the “pain medication” ahead of time by making choices that support the pains of life versus waiting until it feels too overwhelming or unbearable.

As I wrap this up, I realize that I’ve missed sharing my thoughts here. It’s been challenging to write lately due to the exhaustion and heaviness I’ve been feeling. But it’s important to me to keep sharing this journey—and to be real about the times that try to divert me from living an authentic life.

Sometimes, surviving is its own form of authentic living.