Do I Even Matter? Reclaiming Your Self-Worth

This one is difficult to write because it touches on painful questions I’ve struggled to answer most of my life. Do I matter? Do I have self-worth? Do I add value to relationships? Have you ever asked yourself those questions? Have you been able to find your answers?

I have experienced abuse, addiction, abandonment, loss of loved ones, and the list could go on. Through it all was the feeling of being completely alone. Often, I glanced at my phone secretly hoping there might be a text or missed call from someone letting me know I mattered to them. Unfortunately, all the unsolicited / spam calls I receive do not count. If they did, then I would definitely feel important. 😉

When expressing this pain in the past, people would try to convince me of my self-worth or that I mattered in some way. But it was difficult to believe because often I was left to struggle alone. I would call out to God for help and the heavens felt closed. So, when I got that unexpected text asking if I was okay or sending me something uplifting to read, it helped me to feel seen and less alone.

I am not writing this in hopes of someone reaching out to tell me I matter or have value. I’m writing this to say I understand what it feels like to struggle with self-worth. I truly believe we all do our best based on our own experiences and we choose what to do with our life. But sometimes we just need to know at times that we matter and are not alone when trying to wade through the muck of life.

It’s also important to note the power in knowing that I matter to me. That may sound strange, but it is empowering to turn within to reclaim my self-worth. Too often I hand that power over to others in hopes that they will fill a need that maybe is not their responsibility or ability to fill. It doesn’t erase the natural human need to know I matter to others, but it puts some of the control back into my hands and builds confidence in who I am.

Before ending, I feel it necessary to touch upon the challenges of why we may feel that we don’t matter or struggle with self-worth. For me, part of it stems from believing that I must earn the love of others, especially God. I think in religious settings, we overuse words like worthiness, qualify, earn, etc. Words that make it feel like we must meet some criteria before we can matter or achieve self-worth.  

I have been stuck in this belief for most of my life and trying to untangle those false stories is still an ongoing and difficult process. I feel terrified at times that I am jeopardizing my eternal well-being for making choices that may not align with the rules I am asked to follow. That somehow, I won’t qualify to win the grand prize.

However, the truth is, there is absolutely nothing any of us need to do or change or become to earn someone’s love or to know that we matter, especially to God. If you feel there is ever a requirement to do so, then maybe it’s time to rethink the relationship, even if that relationship is with yourself. You are amazing just as you are and that includes even the areas you think you must hide.

So, my wish for you is to reclaim your self-worth if it feels lost and to know that you absolutely do matter. I know my words alone can’t magically change how you feel, and it isn’t meant to invalidate the pain or loneliness you might feel.

For me, sometimes it takes looking to a higher power or to the awareness that is within for strength to move forward. That internal resource, my true nature, is the one place I can always find acceptance. I hope you can find that place within and when you’re ready, help someone else reclaim their self-worth and remind them that they matter to you.