The Pitfalls of Avoidance

I feel like I am in a state of avoidance right now using different techniques I turn to when life feels too difficult or there are emotions I do not want to feel. I mentioned in my last post the use of food. That’s been a popular technique of mine for many years. I always know I’m using food as avoidance when I look down at all the wrappers or empty dishes and have no recollection of what it even tasted like or that I even ate it.

Another technique is my phone. I have a website I go to that is filled with different opinions about current events, celebrities, etc. They are the types of stories filled with drama that really hold no value except to occupy my attention for hours. I’m often grateful when my finger “accidentally” hits the back button taking me out of the website. I often wonder if it’s my body’s way of trying to snap me back to reality.

Online shopping is another technique for me to numb out whatever feelings are trying to surface. There also have been different forms of addiction that I will discuss in a future post. Even when I was young, I had an entire fantasy world created in my head that provided a lot of escape time from a difficult life.

I have also discovered techniques not so obvious, like staying too “busy” for internal reflection. I sometimes take on too much at work, which requires working in the evenings to occupy my time. The crazy part is that my attempt to stay busy to avoid feeling tougher emotions like pain, fear, or shame, only adds feelings of overwhelm and failure. This then fuels the need for all the other avoidance techniques.

Other signs of avoidance for me are changes in my daily routine. For example, lately I have enjoyed taking early morning walks. However, for the past several days, I have chosen to stay way longer in bed than I typically do avoiding my walks. Yes, rest is often helpful, but I also now know the difference between needing rest and avoiding life.

As you can see, while avoidance might provide temporary relief, it also creates more pitfalls. Like not feeling confident in my body from overeating. Or worrying about finances because I overspent. There are also the endless hours I wasted that could’ve been spent on things that move me toward the life I want to live. Not to mention adding more difficult emotions to the list that increases the desire for avoidance.

I do feel that it’s also not healthy to spend all our time in emotions that can feel overwhelming at times. But we must be careful to make sure we are mindfully choosing our actions. So, I often ask if my action is helping or hindering my pursuit of choosing an authentic life.

One thing that helps me with avoidance is not to wait for the motivation to do something. If I did, nothing would change or get done. However, I also find this difficult as who wants to do anything when unmotivated. So, I often use the skill of opposite action by taking very small steps forward. Sometimes the motivation comes after I start and sometimes, I must continue taking one small step after another.

However, in writing this post, I’m realizing what is needed most right now is to be kind to myself about it. A part of me is trying to maintain safety by avoiding painful emotions that feel too difficult to handle. So don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself caught in whatever avoidance techniques you use.

Today I will practice finding middle ground by allowing moments to feel what’s here while taking time for other things. That might even mean eating something yummy and mindfully tasting it. Or doing something on my phone like playing a fun game. The difference is doing it from a wise minded place by establishing boundaries that allow me to choose valued actions versus being driven from a place of endless avoidance.