Looking for Dry Spots: The Exhaustion of Staying Safe

I have another story from my morning walk. 😉 I came upon all the various winding paths and this time the sprinklers were still on. I debated whether to continue or backtrack and take a different route. But then I saw a dry patch on the sidewalk. I figured if I could get to that spot, I could reassess where to go next.

I watched the timing of the sprinklers and was able to reach my safe spot on the dry ground. Knowing this might have meaning, I had to capture a picture to include with this post. In trying to capture the “perfect” shot, I stepped off the dry sidewalk. Not paying attention to my surroundings, I was hit from behind and my legs and shoes got wet.

I laughed realizing I was distracted and stepped outside of the safety zone. So, as I proceeded to navigate further on the path, I made it successfully to another dry area. I noticed others trying to run across the grass to avoid the sprinklers, but I felt satisfied with my ability to stay on the sidewalk, especially to stay dry.

I proceeded and felt I had timed things out well. But now I had sprinklers going on both sides and apparently didn’t account for all of them. Before I knew it, I was getting sprayed. I ran to dry ground and quickly tried to brush off the water spots. In that moment, I didn’t want others to know I had not been successful in navigating the sprinklers.

I chuckled at myself for being so self-conscious about the water spots. But it got me thinking about how I’m constantly trying to navigate my life to stay safe. I’m always looking for the “dry spots.” To do so, I must stay vigilant to ensure I don’t step outside the lines. Otherwise, I believe that something bad will always happen.

It’s exhausting living that way. Especially because no matter how hard I try, I will almost always step outside of the lines. So, when I can’t be in a safe spot, I’m constantly monitoring every scenario to navigate how not to get hit by the spray. If I do, then I most certainly need to cover it up with a mask and pretend all is still well.

I share this because lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of challenges. I feel like I’m constantly looking for dry spots to rest while trying to outrun everything else. It has made me a bit cranky to where the smallest disruption feels too overwhelming.

Like a recent night when plans outside of my control disrupted everything and left me feeling angry and powerless. Yet I still found some peace sitting by a creek. But like many moments, it changed and was followed by other difficult moments … not to mention one that included a very creepy bug.

That same push and pull showed up last night too. I enjoyed a dessert that brought me real comfort and satisfaction. That was later followed by deep sadness and grief. But I felt too tired to cry. I just didn’t want to be present with the emotions. So, I tried to outrun the tears which only led to feelings of being numb and detached.

Returning to my experience this morning, I wonder how it would have felt to just run through the sprinklers. To let go and stop trying to control how everything works out. Yes, I most likely would’ve gotten wet. But I’m pretty sure it also would have felt a bit exhilarating.

I can imagine some parts of me would have felt shame had anyone seen me doing it. Other parts wouldn’t have cared.

The truth is, I’m exhausted from constantly trying to find safe spots and outrun everything else.

I just want to run through the sprinklers and enjoy the flow of life.

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The raw moments that unfolded before this reflection were captured in Lotus Moments. If you’d like to read them, click here.